From our Blog
Group Leaders: Learn to Recognize and Encourage Emotions!
Myth: In groups where people come together to get something done, strong emotions equal messy, difficult group dynamics. These "irrational" elements lead to disagreements and conflicts that disrupt an orderly flow of work, damage relationships, and generally cause "things to get out of hand."
Reality: In every group, emotions are always present. And in extraordinary groups, strong emotions are especially present because of the passionate commitment members bring to a group's compelling Purpose. This emotional commitment is what inspires the hard work, full engagement, and intense focus that lead to amazing results.
Challenge for Leaders: How to appreciate and use these positive and motivating emotions and build upon them, rather than attempting to bottle them up, manage or control them so that "things stay on an even keel." For a group to be extraordinary, an even keel won't do you any good!
If you lead a task-focused group at work or in the community and you want to encourage outstanding results and an equally wonderful group experience, pay attention to these two points.
- Remember that everyone in your group (yourself included) operates simultaneously on at least two tracks: the Head (task-focused, logic, information, facts) and the Heart (emotion-focused, intuition, relationships, and meaning). Picture a lake and imagine that the Head elements sit above the water-line and that the Heart aspects rest underneath and are less visible from the surface of the water. Know that at any moment a results-focused conversation can trigger emotions and values. They will pop up above the water to demand attention. You'll recognize these heart-based elements by the energetic words that people say or the tone of voice they use when they speak.
- Know that an essential leadership skill is the ability to move easily between the dynamics of the Head and the Heart. In fact, the more you are able to connect and integrate elements from these two tracks , the more effectively you will lead your group. If you have difficulty in this leadership aspect, you are far from alone! Many who lead groups feel challenged in this way, especially when it comes to working with strong emotions that surface. To help you become more comfortable with this aspect of group leadership or facilitation, here are some things you can do in a group meeting to recognize, encourage, and utilize the presence of such strong and positive emotions.
When … Do or Say… Someone makes an emphatic and challenging point What did you hear in what _______ just said? What was her point? And what was her feeling?
What did that feeling trigger in you?
After several have responded, What do these feelings suggest for how we move ahead?The tension in the room goes up significantly as a result of a disagreement I’d like to use this disagreement as a way for us to clarify some important points and help us to collaborate effectively.
Ask each person involved in the disagreement to paraphrase what the other person said. Go back and forth between the two parties until they have successfully restated the other’s point of view.
Then, ask a few group members, not involved in the disagreement to describe the feeling in the room triggered by their disagreement.
What do these feelings say about how we, in this group, handle differences of opinion?Group discussion becomes confused, has no center, feels lifeless or tangential Let’s stop for a minute to figure out where we are. What observations do you have about this discussion?
What are you feeling right now?
What suggestions do you have for getting things back to a more productive spot?The group arrives as a point of clarity or reaches a important consensus decision after lots of participation Before we go on, what just happened here?
What did we accomplish? How did we do that?
How does this feel?Someone shares a particularly poignant and relevant illustration or story Encourage a few moments of silence in the group so that people can take in what was said.
If no one else says so, thank the person for his illustration.
What’s the meaning in what _______ has shared? What feelings does this story trigger? Why is this important?
Next post: Extraordinary E-Groups, Part I
Prev post: Creating Compelling Purpose in a Group
Comments
Do you find that groups want to recognize their feelings or that they want to hide them away again as soon as they have surfaced (like they are a little embarrassed by the outburst)?
The group I work with seem like they don’t want to stop to talk about their feeling - like asking questions about their feelings would be a little cheesy. This may be because they are tasked to work with data and to make hard decisions. I wondered if you have thoughts on helping a group understand the importance of acknowledging the emotion.
Thanks for this blog - I am enjoying it - keep the posts coming.
Trevor: Thanks for your comment and questions. Sorry it’s taken me a bit of time to get back to you.
In my experience, groups vary a lot in terms of their willingness to talk about feelings. Task focused groups where members tend to be analytical thinkers probably face the biggest challenge in this area.
When I see strong emotion popping up in a group and influencing the group’s ability to be collaborative (positively or negatively), here’s what I often do. Paraphrase the emotion; once I get the confirmation, I ask something like, “How does that feeling influence your willingness to …help resolve this issue?” Essentially I’m looking to clarify the emotion that usually comes through in the person’s tone of voice or word choice—and then connect the expressed emotion in some way to the group, its purpose, or some of the task related work.
I also introduce people to the notion that we all operate simultaneously on at least two tracks—the head and the heart. If you have a copy of Extraordinary Groups, see page 54. I ask people to talk about the connection between these two tracks and why it’s important to slow down to pay attention to the emotional side of our experience. A good question might be, “What do the feelings we have about our work together have to do with our ability to be successful?” Usually people appreciate a short discussion on this subject. Overall, for folks who are less comfortable with the emotional side of work, I try to not make a big deal out of feelings but to attend to this track in more subtle way.
How do you usually handle these situations? I wonder what others might do as well.
Thanks Kathleen - very helpful.
I am in a support position and I offer technical assistance to a community board. We have a chair that facilitates most of the meetings but I am often aware that emotions are obvious and the group is not picking up on them or dealing with them for what they are. Most of the time the group tries to refocus on the task as a way of avoiding the emotions - which of course doesn’t work very well. This leads to conversations around single tasks taking longer than they maybe need to.
In my position being able to offer more training to the Chair of the board to facilitate emotions would seem to be the best way forward.
Thanks for the tips.
Trevor